Tag Archives: Congruence

Why we go to school

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Some look back to it, some hate it and some, like me, try to make the best of it.

The principe is simple:


“Only the smartest of them all can survive till the very end!”

But, what do I mean?

You go to school, to get your high school degree to be qualified for university, preferably, right?

But in the meantime, what do you learn?

Yeah, yeah, you learn something for the future… but I do not think it is the lessons, that are valuable.

See, we all go to school for about 12-13 years (depends on which country),
we learn, repeat, learn repeat, then we proof to our teacher, that we actually do know how to use information.

But this is not valuable, no it’s not.

What is most valuable, is the experience of being in a society.
You don’t quite understand how it works, till you finish school.

The world outside there… It is just like in school, just bigger.

So, in school you actually have an artificial, compact model of the society out there:

  1. The Hierarchy

    There are always, the cool guys, the hot girls, the followers and the losers.

  2. Leadership

    The coolest kids, always command someone else. They dominate their followers and the followers are therefore taking part of a group.

  3. Interest groups

    Everyone has their own hobbies, which prepare them for life. Better or worse…

  4. Economic value (poor vs. rich)

    There will always be this cool kid, always having the newest nike’s or whatever.

  5. Seduction

    First sex, getting laid a lot etc.

  6. Education etc.
So, you get the idea.
The ‘real’ world is no different. It is just more detailed and advanced.

The trick is to master all or as much of possible of this.

Cheers, Wlad C.

Did your partner fall in love with you?

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Recently I wrote an article on how to cure Oneitis.
It’s “symptoms” are though only felt by the person experiencing it.

There is nothing wrong with knowing those signs yourself, as it is normal to give them away.

Once fell in love, you figure yourself thinking about this person all the time,
you cannot think straight if they didn’t text you for a few hours or did not respond at all today.

Even if you were busy all day long and just could not reach this person, they will become nervous when they text you.

You can say that about 95% of People even talk in monologues when texting their crush.

Imagine, this was a chat window:

Partner1: “Hey, how are you?”

Partner1: “I’ve been doing ….”

Partner1: “haha”

Partner1: “How was your day?”

Partner1: “Sorry, I write so much haha”

Of course, they also may just like you, or need some attention at the time.
This indicator itself does not  approve anything but sympathy yet.

A quick check you can do on yourself (if you are having an Oneitis) is:

  1. Do you feel like you are having a rush when the partner touches you?
  2. Do you miss the partner immediately after saying goodbye after a meeting.
  3. Do you feel a lot of tension when you’re alone with them and thinking “I can’t quite express myself right to them. If they only knew…”etc. ?

So, you get the idea. Before being able to read other people, you have to understand, how you feel yourself being in the same situation. Imagine their experience instead of just observing.

The more experience you get, the easier understanding them is.

So, to the 1. point above: Whenever you feel in love with someone, you try to touch them, no matter what. You can observe them doing the same. If they touch you every time they have the chance to do so, they are either gaming you or trying to get a hold on you by actually touching you.

2. point: Missing the partner immediately after parting shows a lot of insecurity, as they feel like you will forget them immediately after leaving, they will try to contact you either in the exact same minute you leave and text you, OR they won’t contact you for 3 days (try to maintain the 3 day rule) if you just started dating.

3. point: The shock when you are suddenly alone with this person.
When you are having a shock, what is the very first thing you do?
You react.

How do you react? 

Facial expression!

How does shocked look like?

  • Staring or opening eyelids as far as possible and more than normal. The “Bamby-Eyes” if you want to name it.

So, now that you found out that your partner fell or did not fall in love with you.
What do you do?

Do you feel the same?

In case they do not show those signs, maybe they are not ready yet?
Maybe you just found this article while searching for approval that they actually might like you despite of all those negative reactions you get?

Leave them some space then.

But, if you do get the desired reactions, congratulations! Have fun with your newly assured partner!

This all is to be taken with a massive grain of salt of course.

Do talk about that you noticed something different in their behaviour, but do not tell them “But this blog said you were in love with me!”

This article is there to help you, but it is by far not a guide to follow one by one.

Cheers, Wlad C.

Check your Congruence to fix your Confidence

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Sometimes we just “act” confident but project very insecure sings.
Here are a few tips on how to quickly check your alignment of thoughts and actions:

  1. Check your Body language:
    1. Are you standing upright with a straight spine?Fix your posture.
    2. Does your face direct below horizontal or above? Above is good, below is a submissive sign of being unconfident or not feeling that you deserve doing what you’re doing.
      Look up for a few minutes. This might come of a little arrogant, but it’s ok to look like an Asshole for a little while.
    3. Do you unconsciously try to avoid keeping eye-contact?
      Even the slightest escape is submissive action.
      Don’t look directly into the eyes, you can look at their forehead, nose or even their eyebrows or chin. They won’t notice the difference.
  2. Communication
    1. Do you get interrupted quickly by the person you’re speaking to?
      Focus on what the current situation looks like: Are you taking up as much space as always?
      Does the one who interrupts you have his/her head up and keeps eye-contact longer than you?
    2. People are giving you a weird face when you’re talking to them?
      Fringe your eyes and give them a clear sign, that you understood that they are trying to dominate you right now. Just don’t let them do that and accept, that they don’t want a friendship with you and are only focusing on what they can get out of you.
  3. What are your current thoughts and aims?
    1. Are you merely trying to get a reaction out of someone?
      You don’t need a reaction.
      Assume, that the person you are confronting, is thinking positively about you all the time. Don’t try to force them to do so.
    2. Do you think you have to make everyone else like you?
      That means that you accepted being the beta-male.
      This is alarming if this is not what you are and want to be.
    3. You just want to take care of others?
      You are trying to keep the focus or attention off you and focusing on another person.
      This is showing that you have something to hide. Just don’t.
Cheers, Wlad C.

Optimism, the right one.

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That’s not going to be easy.
It’s not as easy as you think.
It will be hard.

Bullshit!
These arguments never stopped me. And they will not stop you from achieving your goals, ever!

Let’s analyse it:
People who tell that, are very pessimistic, right.
But they also do not believe in you. Their perspective does not involve your abilities, your possibilities in near future and all of your mindset.

I for myself am sometimes over optimistic.
Of course, you have to calibrate, whether you are too optimistic or not optimistic enough.


Realism

…is complete bullshit regarding people comparing themselves.
As most of the so called “realism” comes from people no one, or most of those who use the word realism, really understands in the first place.
Best to say, is what I created as a photo for facebook recently.
You may not find this being my profile picture anymore,
as I do part my private profile from my “official” artist pages.