Tag Archives: heal oneitis

How to cure your Oneitis

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We all have it once in a time, the Oneitis.

Once we fell in love too early and the partner either does not accept our behaviour or we our self just feel strange around them, we have to get rid of the Oneitis.

As it is very important to talk about any problems in a relationship, you can also talk to the person about this if you know each other long enough and had some intimate time already.

I am going to consider 3 Stages, the first is curable, the second is “fixable” and the third is plain impossible or just not worth your energy. In this case of stage 3, you can not do anything but wait and quit the contact.

First stage:

  • You are becoming clingy, you realise, that he/she is not responding that quickly to you as you respond to them.
  • You are not allowing them enough space to develop a relationship and rush into their life.
    • To fix this:
      • Try not to make any contact for 12h first.
        You will see: if they contact you within that time, everything is alright, but you still have to slow down.
      • If the person does not respond, wait another 12h (on top of that).
        Here you will see if the he or she is really into you.
      • If there is still no response, text him/her 3 days after you stopped contacting each other.
        The person will ask what you were doing if they miss you, but if not, you have to become ice cold now.
      • Cut the habit of contacting first and answer at least twice as late as they do.
        This indicates that you just had some free time when you were clingy in the last few days.
      • You may now meet again! But only, if you feel ready!
Second stage:
  • You are stalking the person’s Online Status
  • They respond hours after you text them
  • They may not even respond at all sometimes
  • The person texts only every 12h-24h and sometimes doesn’t answer at all
    • To fix this:
      • Try the fix from Stage one.
      • If you fail, wait for a week, don’t contact this person at all.
        Delete or hide everything that reminds you of that person.
        If you think you have the willpower, you can at least answer their questions though I do not recommend it at all.
      • Now after not contacting them for a week, you have to text them or talk to them on the phone as nothing happened. They will wonder what you did in that time, you become more interesting.
        Also: after not contacting this person for a week, you feel a little bit more “free”.
      • If you still feel uncomfortable, continue to the third stage.
Third stage:
  • You don’t want to meet friends anymore
  • All you can think about is this person
  • You start masturbating more frequent than ever before (draining your mentality)
  • You have no desire for anything right now
    • To fix this:
      • Or at least, to rescue you as fast as possible from any mental damage:
      • You cannot do anything to fix your relationship anymore.
      • Stop talking to this person, don’t contact them at all and delete/hide everything that reminds you of them.
      • Consider meeting new people
      • Meet your friends, they are already starting to miss you.
      • Make two lists: one that has all positive factors and one that has all negative ones of that person,
        It will be hard to find any negative sides of that person in that stage, but keep in mind, that you mind is just trying to trick you. This what you are experiencing right now is just an illusion.
      • Rip the pro list apart and hang the negative list somewhere you can see it.
        You can even put it on your desk and keep it there.
      • After 2 days throw the negative list away too.
        Read it before you toss it though.
      • Move on! The best thing now is to forget.
        Whatever is in your head now, it is an illusion and is only going to harm you the person you want to be with.
      • Forget this person.
If I come up with more stuff I will add it to this list of course 😉
Cheers, Wlad C.

Optimism, the right one.

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That’s not going to be easy.
It’s not as easy as you think.
It will be hard.

Bullshit!
These arguments never stopped me. And they will not stop you from achieving your goals, ever!

Let’s analyse it:
People who tell that, are very pessimistic, right.
But they also do not believe in you. Their perspective does not involve your abilities, your possibilities in near future and all of your mindset.

I for myself am sometimes over optimistic.
Of course, you have to calibrate, whether you are too optimistic or not optimistic enough.


Realism

…is complete bullshit regarding people comparing themselves.
As most of the so called “realism” comes from people no one, or most of those who use the word realism, really understands in the first place.
Best to say, is what I created as a photo for facebook recently.
You may not find this being my profile picture anymore,
as I do part my private profile from my “official” artist pages.

Establishing the base confidence

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As you may or may not know, confidence is more of a skill rather than something you are born with.
Of course you can be raised up to be confident, but everyone has his particular “holes” in their personality.

NOBODY IS PERFECT

Or at least, that’s what they say and what we keep repeating as is sounds logical to us.
In the context of noone being able to know what to do next and how to obtain a higher level of confidence it does have reason.

But first, let me explain, why confidence is so important.
The best way is to take an example out of our everyday life.
We all have a certain hobby, sport or whatever you do what I will not try to guess, we’d like to be good at.
But what defines confidence? And why does it affect our learning and training?

We all had those friends, telling us that we cannot do something.
We cannot sing or we are just not that type of what it takes to be to do something.
Actually, you’re not born with that confidence to throw these harassing words off.

Confidence is trained.

Body language

As people ask me, how to be confident, I will most certainly look at them and tell them to straighten their spine.

Not a big thing, huh?
It’s not. But it’s effect is huge!

Try this:
Stand up straight.
As straight as you can.
Now throw your neck back.
Also, you can try to lift your arms sidewards to take up more space.

This will ensure, that you take up as much space as possible.

Why this is important?

We all express ourselves through body language.